L5R : Jade Winds
Idle chit chat
Setting: Porch of Public house at the Caravan staging camp. The Crab Hida Nakamuro watches his new Ashigaru Giadayu (Franku) and Hikozaemon (Ernesutu) practicing in yard. Tamori Yuriko and Mirumoto Yonaka have gone to meet with Matriarch.
The Scorpion Shosuro Naoki dressed as a Mantis Ji samurai glides up to the Crab through the non-existent door.
(Note: actual transcript)
Scorpion – You’re Brooding. Your capacity to brood seems to be as big as you are.
Hida – Yes.
Mirumoto stomps into the courtyard.
Mirumoto (appears visibly tense) – May I train your Ashigaru?
Hida – Ho.
Mirumoto proceeds to do Jiujutsu practice; throwing the ashigaru roughly about. The Scorpion seems neither moved nor slowed in her conversation.
Scorpion – Are you upset with me? NO I can tell, you are mad at me. I get that more than you would guess.
Hida – I am not mad at you, I am just…concerned. I am sorry if I have offended you.
Scorpion – You aren’t talking much, I mean even for you, and…and…you are (thoughtful moment) being polite.
Hida – Yes. (effortlessly blocks Scorpion’s blow) Stop hitting me. Is that a bad thing?
Scorpion – Let me put it to you this way. Crab are…unique. I find Crab fascinating. Their sense of duty is almost on par with the Scorpion! But it is the ability to find joy in their task. My clan just doesn’t have that. Crab happily wade into whatever they do and joke about it (in deep Hida voice) “Why did the Goblin head cross the road? Because it was on my SPEAR!!! AHAHAHAHAHAHA”
The Crab almost looks away from the brawling practice.
Hida – (Laughs) Ho! I never heard that one.
The Scorpion leans around, and with an astounded air to her voice.
Scorpion – Did the Mountain actually smile? Beware of landslides.
Hida – (stands quietly)
The Scorpion stands next to the Crab, ignoring the brawl in the courtyard. The Tamori wanders dreamily past the brawl and past the Hida and Scorpion with a unnaturally serene smile. The Tamori starts up a conversation with the Kitsuki that appears to be more of a job interview then casual conservation.
Scorpion – So you are married, right? I mean do you mind me asking? (continues no matter what the answer) She must be a remarkable woman, I would hope made of stern stuff, you know, you’re not…small.
Hida – Yes, although I have not seen her for …several years. I don’t know if she… (stops)
Scorpion – Ok I will stop (almost pauses)… But what is your problem with women? Except for hearing about wrestling with Utaku Battle Maidens, the closest I have seen you to a woman is 8 Shaku (7 and 2/3 shaku actually). If there is a crowd, rather than chancing getting close to a woman, you wait until they move.
Hida – She is Kaiu, she is not much shorter than me. (Yells at Franku and Ernestu) You are doing that wrong!
The Scorpion pauses for a moment to consider the Crab’s answer.
Scorpion – (Small panicked look) Almost…Almost your size? I could do something nice with your hair.
The Hida may have raised an eyebrow.
Scorpion – What? Just idle chit chat. (Looks at back of Hida’s head) tsk tsk.
Hida – (looks back at Scorpion) What’s wrong with my hair? I like women. Uh..(blushes?!?!)
Scorpion – Why is the Mirumoto beating on Franku and Ernestu. What do you think of the Mirumoto…Mirumoto’s style? (faint smile) Poor Ernestu…
Hida – They will never be warriors but it will toughen them up. (talks about the finer points of wrestling for a couple minutes, which calms him down)
(looks at the Scorpion again) Are you married?
(The Scorpion stands and bows) Excuse me I have matters to attend to. Thank you for you time. (turns away and walks inside)
Hida – …oh.